French Toast Girl

a letter

(I didn't write this, but wanted to share.)

My Daughter,

My precious one, I see and know the courage lying within your heart. It delights Me to use you and your special gifts in unique ways I have planned just for you. Don't compare yourself to others. My plan for you gives you freedom and ways to tell others about Me. My greatness is not destroyed by any inadequacies of My children. I have given you abilities and talents, and I will use each one in My best possible way. And I will empower you with courage. Know Me, My daughter. Trust Me. I know you intimately by name.

You represent Me! And I am pleased with you, My daughter, My princess. I know you sometimes fail. But I also know the desire of your heart is to show others your love for Me. Do not doubt My desire to have you represent Me - or your ability.

I am working in your life so that you will grow ever more able to be my ambassador in this place to which I have sent you. I give all My children courageous hearts. But some refuse to accept My courage as the foundation for all they do. Let Me be the courage you need to stand for Me.

Lovingly,
Your Heavenly Father, the King

Labels: faith, inspirations

french toast girl

hand, heart

I had a series of tests last week and the decision was that I need iron supplements, but that the main thing that's affecting my health is the level of stress I have and how I deal with it. That's going to require some big lifestyle changes and it's really not going to be easy. Any prayers and clarity you'd like to send my way, I'm open to it.

That being said, I'm closing the computer more, dancing more with the kids (and finally having the energy to do it!) and doing yoga as much as I can. This site is just lovely and I even had the sitter take the kids outside to play for an hour so that I could do an hour of yoga, instead of my usual running around the house doing the dishes and cleaning up.

I'm learning.

Labels: coffee, faith, painting

french toast girl

Brave

The month of February was sort of a blur - I was either extremely exhausted, incredibly stressed, or both at the same time. Add in birthdays and parties, a loss of voice that is still straining to come back, and you can see how badly I needed to go on the Mother's Retreat this weekend. I was struggling sometimes to have enough strength for the next hour, let alone the rest of the day.

It's hard to put into words how amazing this weekend was for me. I'm still a bit emotionally wiped out, but I'm so grateful for what I learned. I don't want to get into too many details now because everything's so new for me right now and I'd like to let it all simmer for a while.

I can share some of my notes though:

Jesus took time out for himself to pray, and so should you.

We lead our family by experience - our children will look at our actions, not our words, to see how we live our lives.

Women are vessels of faith.

We are daughters of the King - do you act like one?

Positive fear is an act of faith (as opposed to a negative/destructive one)

"One act of thanksgiving in trial is better than 1000 in good times." ~ St. John of the Cross

Acceptance is NOT a weak response.

Surround yourself with women who hear your heart and do not judge.

They are the 10 commandments, not the 10 suggestions.

You cannot love the God you can't see if you cannot love the brother or sister you can see.

"A good example is contagious." - St. Augustine

"I give all my children courageous hearts" (unfortunately, can't remember what verse this is from)

"Life cannot have meaning without prayer." - Pope John Paul II

Trust is like the toddler letting go of the table learning to walk, or the child riding a bike without training wheels - it doesn't happen all at once, it takes lots of practice.

Good prayer does not always result in good feelings.

Prayer doesn't have to have words to still be a prayer.

You can pray for the desire to pray.

What does "holy" look like? You and me.

"The glory of God is woman fully alive." - St. Ignatius (I think?)

Worry and anxiety are burdens that keep you from being fully alive.

Surround yourself with faithful friends.

I also heard this song on the weekend and loved it, and then when I was driving home right after the retreat, guess what song was on the radio? The line that pretty much sums up everything right now is "The way it always was is no longer good enough." It's time to get brave.

Labels: faith, motherhood

french toast girl

the week of magical thinking, continued.

I made a conscious decision recently to do another week of magical thinking: to spend a week making the most magical, alive, succulent choices possible.

Here are stories about two things that happened just this week.

The Loveseat.
I have to start off this story by telling that ever since we found the black leather recliner on junk day this summer (which had not a scratch on it and was perfectly fine) and took it home, Paul has been looking for a matching loveseat. Not a couch, because it would be too large for the space he has in his studio. So we looked at sales circulars, checked the internet. Paul even had tried this past week to get one listed on Craigslist, but we didn't get it. Friday morning, he tells me also that the office chair in the other studio is broken and he'll have to go order a replacement from Staples.

Normally, as soon as I'm done work on Friday I go run a ton of errands so I don't have to do them on the weekend, but this week was a little off. So I went out Saturday morning instead, and on my way home from food shopping, I see, sitting by the end of someone's driveway: a black leather loveseat, and an office chair. Needless to say I rushed home, we unloaded fast, and Paul ran out with all his bungee cords to see if we could fit them on the van, and we did! $400+ saved, and got Paul's office all spiffed up for the new semester. :)

The Shirt.
I've been saying for a while that my wardrobe has become really plain; lots of solid colors, Mom-shirts, that kind of thing. Not really me. So I've been on the hunt for more colorful clothing.

Last Wednesday night, my parents came over, and my Mom pulls out this gorgeous watermelon-colored, silver-and-gold-embroidered Indian top. She said that a co-worker had brought it back from India for her but it didn't fit and did I want it. Of course I did! And I'm wearing it today, when the temperatures for January are going to be in the upper 60s.

And of course the shirt fits! Never doubted it for a second. Listen, God does not listen to your wishes, place a beautiful shirt in your hands, get you some unseasonable weather, only to have the shirt be too small! That's not how God works. (Not mine, anyhow.)

I firmly believe that magical things happen when you are open to them. What's happened to you lately that's magical?

Labels: faith, family, inspirations, synchronicity

french toast girl

Only one more sleep 'till Christmas

Wishing you and those you love a blessed Christmas and a joyous New Year! (left to right: Angela in her gorgeous pink glasses, Sophie the wondergirl, and my boy Petey Pop.)

Labels: faith, family, kids

french toast girl

in my heart

One of the last things we do in our yoga class comes at the very end of our meditation. The teacher asks us to open our heart, put three things we want to keep safely inside it, and then close it up tight. Then, when we're having a rough day or feeling ungrateful, we can take them out to remind ourselves what's most important and wonderful to us.

Inside my heart at this moment is:

1. My family. 2. My art. 3. My imagination.

What's inside your heart right now?

Labels: art, faith, family

french toast girl

Grace

This one's for sharing: print this out and bring it to your table tomorrow. Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!

Labels: art, faith, family, NaBloPoMo

french toast girl

meditate on this

Before the kiddos came along, I used to go to yoga classes weekly. Once I was more homebound, I had my favorite DVD and would do it only every few months or so, and then when I did, it was with kids screaming for attention in the background (so restful!) or doing what I call "combat yoga" - where I do a pose (bridge, or downward-facing dog) and the kids would scramble to get underneath me as fast as they could. ALL of them. I was so afraid I would squash them! I kept asking myself why I didn't do yoga more often when I loved it so much.

Last week, right before I fell asleep, it came to me: we have to start doing yoga again. So now Paul and I have been getting up early; we let the kids know that we're doing yoga and that they may join us when they're ready (ready means: did a pee, washed their hands, gotten dressed, straightened their bed, put their pjs under their pillow and undies in the laundry). So far it's worked so well I'm afraid to talk about it, lest I jinx it. We're downstairs in Paul's studio, starting our day peacefully, while whatever squabbling over the bathroom and who has what underwear is all taking place far above us (did I mention the studio's soundproofed?). Angela likes to get done as fast as possible and wiggles herself inbetween us, and if I'm not careful, she steals my mat. Petey likes to sleep in, but when he comes down he sits on the sofa quietly with a book. With Sophie, it's 50-50. But so far, we've been stretching and they've been quiet, so I'm pretty happy about it.

I also got to join a yoga group at my friend's church. We practice in the entryway (it's huge) and afterwards, anyone who wants to, gets up, goes into the main part of the church, and we pray/meditate in front of the blessed sacrament. It was very very interesting not only to do yoga again somewhere other than my living room, but energizing to practice it amidst another group of Catholics - nothing much was said out loud, but we knew we were all focusing on the same Spirit.

I'm also going to start downloading episodes from Yoga Today so we have a little more variety; much as I like Rodney Yee, I can almost recite his routine from memory. Do you have a favorite DVD to recommend? Anything with "stress relief" in it is great, not looking for "power" or anything where they say "leap to warrior pose!"

Labels: faith, family

french toast girl

Amen, sister.

Michelle, one of my artist-mama-soul-sisters, has gotten it exactly right:

A few dozen people around the United States have decided I am not good enough, not compelling enough, not original enough. And I let those few people negate 5 years of people that BUY my art, LOVE my art, take PLEASURE in my art. I lost my joy for what makes me happiest.... So my decision is not to quit my art, but to quit commercialism.

It's very easy to get discouraged when I look at all the other children's books, art in galleries, licensed materials, and think "I could do this better" or "There's no room for me." Michelle, Jill, and I have been doing a lot of talking lately, and realize that it's the need to create that fuels us. We would do it even if nobody was paying attention. It doesn't mean you don't still strive for success, or recognition, it's just that you put it in its proper place.

The art comes first.

Labels: art, faith, illustration

french toast girl

It could be worse

There's a story that goes like this: a man's house was so full of people that he had no room to move or do anything. So he went to a wisewoman, who told him, "Take all your goats, and bring them into the house." He went back to her a few days later and she told him, "Take all your chickens, and bring them into the house." He eventually is told to bring ALL his farm animals into the house, so he does.

Now he not only has crying babies and demanding relatives, but also dogs and pigs and ducks underfoot. The noise is horrible, the smell is worse. He can't understand why the advice isn't helping. So he goes back to the wise woman. She tells him, "Now take all your chickens, and bring them OUT of the house." He does. Eventually, all the animals are out of the house, and he's left with his relatives. They're noisy, he has no privacy and no room, but at least his house isn't full of animals. He realizes that what he had to begin with wasn't so bad after all. Because it could always be worse.

Things are kind of crazy right now at my house. Make that insane. So my mantra is: It could be worse. I'm not going to go into my list, because it's whiny and kind of morbid to write out what could be worse, but let's just say, I'm trying hard to be thankful for the blessings that I have.

I was going to ask people to write their "Could be worse" list, but instead, could you leave me a note about something you personally feel blessed about? It would help. ♥

Labels: faith, family, kids

french toast girl

I find this reassuring

When you think about a problem over and over in your mind, that's called worry. When you think about God's Word over and over in your mind, that's called meditation. If you know how to worry, you already know how to meditate! You just need to switch your attention from problems to Bible verses. The more you meditate on God's Word, the less you have to worry about.

~ The Purpose Driven Life

For a girl who spends large quantities of time worrying (and mostly about things I have no control over), it's reassuring to know that I am already almost a pro at meditating once I do a little switch. Whether Bible verses work for me or not I still have to see.

Labels: faith

french toast girl

ART, iNSPiRATiON, AND WHY LiFE iS LiKE FRENCH TOAST.